


Manifestation

by twinklinglourry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Addiction, Alcohol, Depression, Drug Use, Fluff, Guardian Angel, Kisses, M/M, Mood Swings, Onesided Love, Suicidal Thoughts, addict!harry, angel - Freeform, angel!louis, happy endings, protecting!louis, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-20
Updated: 2013-07-20
Packaged: 2017-12-20 19:57:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/891244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twinklinglourry/pseuds/twinklinglourry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>harry is a suffering drug addict and louis is his guardian angel. they fall in love even though they're not supposed to fall in love</p>
            </blockquote>





	Manifestation

**Author's Note:**

> so this is my first ever posted story here and i hope you like it. enjoy :)

man·i·fes·ta·tion (man-eh-fes-tay-shon) - the act of showing or demonstrating properly; revealing 

Manifestation wasn’t the easiest task for an angel. They were supposed to be felt but not seen or heard. However, in rare and serious cases, it could be done. It usually only occurred when the angel had no other choice, specifically if they were guardians of someone who was constantly in danger with themselves or with others. This happened to be the case for the young angel, Louis Tomlinson. He had been protecting Harry Styles ever since he was born, but the boy had recently started getting addicted to drugs and alcohol. This made Louis’ job even harder than it normally was.

Within the last six months, he manifested himself to Harry seven times:

One.

The first time he showed himself to the boy was in February. Harry had passed out in an alley after a drug deal and if Louis didn’t help him now, he wouldn’t have made it home and somebody would have caught him immediately. He could’ve been killed or caught by the police. So Louis did what any guardian angel would do in this situation - he picked up the boy and brought him back to his flat and laid him in bed.

Harry awoke while Louis was still standing beside his bed. He noticed the bright white wings and his eyes immediately widened, wondering if he was hallucinating. “W-who are y-you?” he slurred out and Louis debated on leaving without saying a word. That’s what they were normally supposed to do, but instead he sat beside him and brushed his curls out of his pretty face and smiled. “Are you an angel?” Harry asked again, not actually believing that any of this was real.

Louis nodded. “Your guardian angel. Gave me quite a scare though today. Almost got yourself killed,” he told him, running a hand through his own golden brown hair. “If I wouldn’t have stepped in when I did, you probably wouldn’t have been here right now.” He looked over to the boy who was shaking his head vigorously. 

“I don’t believe you. And even if I did, why would you save someone like me?” He furrowed his eyebrows and bit his lip, slowly regaining his correct state of mind. “Should’ve left me to die.” He said with no emotion in his voice, like he didn’t care whether or not he go to live. 

“Well believe it or not, Harry, your life is important to not only me but others up there. And I’ll do everything in my power to protect you,” the angel explained before he got off the bed and stood near the window. “Be safe, Harry. Please.” He said before taking a deep breath and disappearing out the window and back to where he belonged.

Two.

Harry didn’t listen to the angel that night. He stayed out of severe trouble for three weeks but he still drank all the time. He was still using drugs and other illegal substances, though he knew he should stop. He couldn’t stop and it was shown on that cold brisk night that Louis found him once again. He was in the middle of a switch with some random dealer when Louis appeared to him. He thought nothing of it at first, his mind only thinking about the drugs and their effects on him. 

Louis shook his shoulder, trying to get him out of the trance before he did something that should be regretted later. Still no response from the young eighteen year old. “Harry!” he yelled and this caught his attention, but he still proceeded with the deal. “Stop, Harry. Please!” But it was done. Harry had a bag of what looked to be marijuana and other various things in exchanged for a wad of cash. Louis knew that was Harry’s entire paycheck from this week. “Please.” He begged, turning Harry around and pulling him into an alley before manifesting himself to the boy for the second time this month.

His green eyes widened again, noticing the broad white wings again. “A-angel.” He said without emotion in his voice. “You’re the same one from that night, aren’t you?” Louis nodded and let Harry react for a few seconds. “Why are you here again? It obviously didn’t work the first time. Why do you even bother wasting your time on me? I’m a lost cause.” He that spat out, not expecting to sound as mean and heartless as it did.

Louis bit his lip. He never expected Harry to be this emotionless about a topic so serious. As a child, Harry was always an upbeat and happy little boy. He liked playing sports and singing and he’d never stop smiling. Louis hadn’t seen that same smile in at least two years. “You’re not a lost cause,” he said as he stepped closer to Harry. “I know that if you try, you can change your life around, okay? Please try. If not for yourself, then for me.” Louis truly did care for the boy and he hated seeing that his life was going this way. He deserved to have a good life, not something like this.

“And if I wouldn’t do it for myself, then why would I do it for you, someone I just met?” Harry spat back, looking away for a few seconds in the direction of the street lamps that lit up the block. When he looked back to where the angel once stood, Louis was already long gone. He couldn’t stay and listen to Harry go on and on about how unimportant he was and how he didn’t care about himself or anybody else. He knew he should’ve stayed and make sure he got home on time, but he left and regretted the decision later when he watched Harry smoke cocaine on the street later that night.

Three.

Louis left Harry alone for six weeks. Well, not exactly alone. He still followed him around and gave him subtle hints and challenges so he would not go against himself and get high again. It didn’t work. Within the six weeks, he got high at least fifty times and Louis should have done something about it but he knew that none of those occurrences would kill him. Harry wouldn’t have listened anyway. He seemed to ignore every single hint that Louis gave to him and he did his best to make Louis’ job miserable. But Louis couldn’t be mad at him, just frustrated, because he cared about Harry more than anybody else. 

So when Louis was manifesting himself again in Harry’s apartment, he was both upset and happy. Happy to finally be able to see him and touch his soft skin again for the first time in weeks, but extremely upset that he would have to intervene with his life again. The past two times weren’t pretty and that’s why Louis let him go and splurge for the past six weeks, but today was different. Harry had been stockpiling alcohol and drugs for about a week now and Louis knew that he was going to try and overdose to end his life today. And he just couldn’t have it.

“Harry,” he said softly, propped up against the doorway. The boy he was looking for was curled up on the couch, shaking back and forth. “Harry, please don’t do this.” Louis begged, walking over to sit next to Harry on the couch and laid his hand on the boy’s shoulder. “You have your whole life ahead of you, okay? I promise you that everything will be okay as long as you stop right now and try to get better.” He took a deep breath, watching the boy who stopped shaking but still made no glance in the angel’s direction. He leaned in closer, his wings grazing Harry’s shoulder. “Please talk to me.” 

Harry still didn’t look at him, but he did open his mouth to speak. “Tell me why. Why I shouldn’t just kill myself now and why you even care.” He said, his eyes fluttering shut for a few moments before turning to look at the angel beside him. Tears started to form in the corners of his eyes and this was the first time that Louis had seem him so raw and untouched. He was obviously sober and in a correct state of mind. He had bags under his bloodshot eyes since he had not slept in weeks. “T-tell me,” he choked out, begging the angel to speak again.

Louis bit his lip, not wanting to waste any breath on something that Harry would not believe. “You shouldn’t kill yourself because you have so much more to live for, Harry. A future with someone who will love you and care for you. And if you leave now, you’re giving up and eliminating any chance of anything ever getting better.” Louis rubbed circles onto Harry’s thigh, trying to calm him down in any way possible. “And as for why I care, it’s because I’ve been here since you were little. I’ve protected you for so long and I care about you deeply, okay? I love you.” He didn’t mean for that last sentence to come out. He did love the curly haired boy, but he didn’t want him to think anything of that. He wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him.

Harry, however, did catch that last phrase. “You, you love me?” His face was still stained with tears as he looked over at the angel carefully. Nobody had ever truly cared about Harry before, not even his own mother. He’d been on his own for years now and he didn’t know what it felt like to be cared about and be loved.

Louis nodded slowly. “I do. And I’d be so heartbroken if you did something horrible to yourself, okay? So if you won’t stay for yourself or anybody that you know here on Earth, stay for me please,” he pleaded, kissing the boy’s hand softly to make sure he knew that Louis wasn’t lying. “Please please please.” He couldn’t help but start to cry too and soon he felt a hand wiping away his tears.

“Don’t cry....” he trailed off, not knowing the angel’s name. 

Louis could tell that he needed to know his name. “Louis.” He tried to smile through his tears. “Can you promise me that you’ll try to get better? Get into rehab or counseling or something, please. Try to stay strong for me.” Louis moved closer to bring the boy into his lap, even though he was obviously taller and lankier than the angel himself. “Please,” he begged one last time before seeing the boy nod slowly.

“I can’t promise anything,” Harry cried out softly. He didn’t want to promise the poor boy something that he couldn’t keep up with. “But I can try. As long as you’ll be with me every step of the way,” he proposed, looking up into the angel’s bright blue eyes which were watery from the tears he had previously shed.

Louis nodded and the boy relaxed back into Louis’ chest, closing his eyes and trying to get some relief from all of the thoughts racing through his mind. Louis had been here for eighteen years and he’d be here for the rest of Harry’s life no matter what. So he continued to comfort the younger boy until he was sound asleep. After tucking him in bed and kissing his forehead, Louis dumped all of the alcohol and pills down the toilet before leaving him once again.

Four. 

Three months. He was fine for three months. Harry had been going for weekly rehabilitation center visits and he was sober on and off for eight weeks, all because of the advice of his guardian angel. But something was wrong. He hadn’t seen Louis in a long time and he began to miss him. He’d call for Louis sometimes, but he never showed up. This irritated Harry. “You said you’d always be here for me. Haven’t seen you in months,” he spat out one night, taking another swing of his bottle of vodka and pulling out a bag of meth in his pocket. “You said you loved me. I got better for you! I tried, Louis. I tried,” he called out even though the young angel wasn’t there.

Hours later, Louis was manifesting himself into Harry’s house once more and this time he found him crying on the ground in his bathroom. “Harry, babe.” He made his way over to the boy just before he threw up in the toilet. “Harry, you were doing so well. I was so proud of you.” He leaned down to converse with the shaking boy. “What went wrong?” He asked. For three months Harry had stayed clean and today he just relapsed. There had to be a reason.

“Y-you,” he slurred out, sitting up and leaning against the bathtub. “You said you loved me. You made me believe that you cared but then you left and didn’t even bother to come back. I got better for you, Louis.” He stopped, leaning over to throw up again before wiping his mouth with a towel that was on the ground next to him. “I stopped doing drugs. I stopped drinking. I was trying to get better, you know? For you. But you left me. And now I have nothing left to do but drink and get high. Makes me forget.” 

“You relapsed because I wasn’t here all the time?” He started to tear up immediately after Harry nodded. Louis leaned down, cupping Harry’s face in his hands. “Harry, you know I love you. But I’m your guardian angel. I’m not supposed to be here all the time, babe. Only when you need me.” He said, watching Harry disagree with him.

“Well then what if I need you all the time?” He said, pulling away from his angel’s grasp. “What if I want you to be here when I’m sober. What if I want to spend time with you when I’m not high and arguing with you?” He slurred out, hoping he made sense with his words. “That’s what you do when you love someone, you know. And you obviously are incapable of loving me if you can’t do any of that.” He felt bad after saying it because he saw the frown and disappointment on the angel’s face. “I-I didn’t mean it like that,” he tried to take it all back. “But I mean the only time you come around is when I’m high. Don’t blame me for doing the only thing that would bring you to me.”

Lous looked around and sighed, knowing Harry was right. “Come here,” he said, pulling Harry up and sitting him in his lap. He rubbed his back softly, letting Harry straddle his waist so that it was easier for the two to talk. “I’m not supposed to be here all the time. As much as I wish I could be here with you all the time and always tell you how proud I am, I just don’t belong down here. But just because you can’t see me doesn’t mean I’m not here. It doesn’t mean that I’m not proud of you and it surely doesn’t mean that I love you.” He said, brushing the curls from Harry’s face and leaning their foreheads together. 

Harry bit his lip, slowly regaining his mental state. “Then let me stay with you.” Louis didn’t understand what he meant at first, so he had a confused look on his face. “Let me come with you,” he repeated, looking at Louis with his big green eyes, just like a little child. Louis then figured out what he meant. Harry wanted to die so he could be with his angel all the time. He shook his head, muttering something under his breath. “Y-you don’t want me with you?” Harry asked, shocked and disappointed.

“No, no, babe. I would be with you every single moment if I could. But I don’t want you to give up on life because of me. I don’t want to be the reason that you leave Earth and the life you have in front of you.” Louis lifted his chin up and made him look. “I’ll make you a deal. If you can keep getting better for me, then I will try to come down and visit randomly, okay? At least once a week. How does that sound?” He said, trying to cheer the poor boy up. He knew that they’d never actually have a relationship, but he couldn’t help seeing the boy like that. “I’ll protect you and love you at the same time.” He could do that, right?

Harry nodded, knowing this was probably the best deal he’d get. He stood up and pulled Louis to his feet. Harry was a still a little wobbly but he held onto Louis until he got to his bed where he stripped off his pants and shirt and crawled into his bed. “S-stay. P-please,” he whispered softly and his inner child made grabby hands. Louis knew that he really shouldn’t. He needed to get back and he didn’t want to put anything permanent in Harry’s mind. But seeing him so innocent and vulnerable drew Louis in and soon enough his arms were wrapped around Harry’s waist and pulled him closer to snuggle while he slept.

Louis left in the middle of the night, knowing that Harry would be upset but also that it was the best thing to do. He left a note on the bedside table. I had to leave. Stay strong for me, Harry. I’ll be back as soon as I can, okay? I do love you. He frowned as he left through the window for the third time, not knowing when he’d be able to return.

Five.

One week later and Harry was back in his angel’s arms. Harry had been doing much better than Louis expected and as a reward, he surprised him one night by manifesting himself into Harry’s house for a visit. “Baby, you’ve been doing so well,” he said, blushing and walking over to Harry who was seated at the table in the kitchen. “I’m so proud of you.” He kissed the younger boy’s forehead and watched him take sips of his soda.

Harry couldn’t help but smile. He hadn’t expected Louis to come back, actually, but he was so excited to see his beautiful angel again. “I’ve been trying for you, Louis. I really have.” Harry let his angel embrace him gently and he nuzzled his face into Louis’ neck. “Are you going to stay with me?” he asked, bright eyes wide and a big smile on his face, hoping that Louis would agree and say yes. 

Louis nodded. “I’m yours for the night.”

Harry cheered louder than expected and pulled Louis to the couch. He felt like right now he could ask anything of Louis and the angel would comply. “I’ve missed you. And I hate how we argue every single time that you’re here. I want today to be different, please?” He asked, biting his lip. Harry continued talking after receiving a small nod from Louis. “Can we cuddle and watch a movie?” he asked, looking like a little innocent child. Louis had missed seeing Harry like this. It was like all of their previous encounters were forgotten about and Harry was a little boy again.

Louis nodded again and snuggled the boy closer, wanting him to feel loved again. He wanted nothing but Harry to feel that he was cared about and safe in Louis’ arms. “I do love you, Harry. And you’ve done some amazing things these past few weeks and I wanted to make sure that you knew you could keep doing them. That’s why I came today,” he whispered. “To make sure you knew that I did indeed love you and that I’m trying, okay? We’re not supposed to be doing something like this, but I don’t want to stop, you know?” He softly sighed as Harry looked up at him with wide eyes. Harry leaned up and pecked his lips, testing the limits. When Louis didn’t make any other movements, he leaned back up to kiss him again. “Harry. We can’t... we can’t do this,” he said, motioning to that.

“B-but I thought you loved me?” Harry said, tears forming in his eyes. 

Louis frowned, wiping away the boy’s tears with his soft, gentle hands. “I do love you, Harry. But angels and humans... they’re not meant to be together like this.” He knew the boy wouldn’t like him saying that, but he knew that if they kissed, it would later lead to something more. And that was definitely off limits for angels and humans together. “I love you. I’m in love with you. But with the circumstances...” He bit his lip, frowning again.

“Oh,” is all the poor boy said before leaning back against Louis’ chest and trying to curl up and become invisible. He was so embarrassed. Louis didn’t want to kiss him. He didn’t want to do anything with him. And as much as that hurt Harry, he still loved Louis. He was just frustrated and irritated at both Louis and the stupid circumstances. “I love you,” he said quietly.

They stayed there for about an hour before Harry fell asleep lonely and Louis left, not knowing when he’d return again.

Six and seven. 

Another two weeks and he was basically fine. Louis knew that he shouldn’t have left him for that long, especially since he made a promise to him that night in his bathroom. But as a guardian angel, he wasn’t supposed to fall in love with Harry. He was supposed to protect him using small subtle hints and only use manifestation when it was absolutely necessary. Angels and humans were never meant to be together in more than a protecting fashion, but Louis already broke that rule multiple times. And he didn’t know if he could do it again.

Louis knew that Harry couldn’t just get up and quit all at once. So even though he drank once or twice throughout the weeks and got high a few more times than that, Louis was still proud of him. However, today’s visit wasn’t for pleasure. The only reason he was coming back tonight was the fact that Harry had started to drink more heavily within the past few days and his angel was scared that he’d drink too much and get alcohol poisoning. 

“Nice of you to finally show up,” Harry spat out from the couch he was sitting on before taking another swing of his drink. “Oh Harry, I’ll make sure I come at least once a week if you try to get better,” he mocked, shaking his head. “Don’t fucking lie to me, Louis! If you’re not going to come, don’t let me get my hopes up, okay? Don’t make me fall in love with you and then totally blow me off. Because you know what, it’s not a great feeling. I already feel like I’m worthless but you just spiral me back down into depression, anxiety, and all of those things that nobody wants to feel.” He said, not even bothering to look his angel in the eye.

“You’ve never truly been alone, you know that?” Louis said, which resulted in Harry rolling his eyes and mumbling something under his breath. Louis took a seat on the chair across from him and laid a hand on his knee, but Harry pushed him off. “You know that little voice you hear in your head? It sounds like me, doesn’t it?” Louis watched Harry’s widened eyes and emotionless expression. “That’s because it is me, okay? I’m the one who tells you to stop doing something because it’s bad. I’m the one who praises you every single day for anything you do that helps you get better. Just because I’m not here with you, doesn’t mean I’m not in there with you.”

Harry took a deep breath and took another gulp of the alcohol in his cup. “I don’t want you in my head, Louis! Why can’t you understand that?” Another sip. “I want you here. I want you with me. I want you to hold me in your arms and kiss my forehead and tell me that you love me. I want to be fucking loved for once. And when someone finally tells me that they love me, they leave without a word.” One more gulp. “And don’t even try to bring up the angel crap, okay? If you truly loved me and wanted to make me happy then you’d do anything.” Another sip before he swatted away Louis’ hands. “I fell in love with you, Louis. But you obviously don’t feel the same.” 

Louis opened his mouth to protest but he just couldn’t argue with the boy sitting there in front of him. And even though Louis knew this was mostly from the alcohol, he couldn’t help but feel guilty. He should’ve been here more, no matter what it took. He got up and despite Harry squirming around to get away from his grasp, he leaned over to kiss his forehead before he went to the window. “I love you too,” he whispered, not caring whether Harry heard him or not. And he knew that he shouldn’t have left, but he was frustrated and now just wasn’t the time to argue with Harry. He’d let them both calm down so that they could talk about this later.

Harry did hear him however, and this made him break down and cry on the couch. He had just ruined everything that was good in his life. He threw his cup across the room and brought his hands to his face, trying to stop the pounding headache he now possessed. “Come back... please,” he cried out, hoping Louis would hear him and change his mind. Then he suddenly became angry with himself and Louis. “I screw up everything and then you just leave! Some angel you are,” he spat out, regretting it immediately. His mood swings worsen, going from depressed to upset to angry and back again all within minutes.

But then he cleared his mind as best as he could and thought about it for at least a half an hour. And he decided that the only way he’d ever get someone to love him was indeed Louis. And there was only one way to be able to stay with Louis all the time, and he was willing to risk it. He didn’t want to be here in this house any longer. He didn’t want to drink or get high anymore. And dying sounded like the best way to go. So he grabbed another glass of vodka and poured an entire bottle of pills in his hand.

He expected Louis to manifest himself and try to stop him. He was kind of happy that he didn’t, because he knew that Louis would be able to talk him out of doing this. And he had already decided. And even though he couldn’t feel his presence or see his features, he knew in his heart that Louis had to be there somewhere. Though he wondered why he didn't appear in the room like he usually did. Every single time that he's tried to hurt himself, Louis was there to change his mind. He shook off the feeling of regret, because he knew this was coming. The end was near - so near that Harry could taste the blood in his mouth already. 

"I'm sorry. I just can't anymore." There was nobody in the room to answer him, but he hoped that Louis would understand. "You've done all you can for me, but I just can't live anymore. I can't do it. I can’t love you and then see you once every six months." He took a deep breath and that ended up being the deciding moment. He brought his hand up to his mouth and doused fifty pills down his throat with cold water. 

The effects were brought about rather quickly, just like Harry had hoped. He stood motionless for a few minutes before his breathing pattern started to change. Instead of deep breaths, Harry was now breathing in short, random spurts. His vision blurred minutes later, only being able to make out shapes and colors instead of actual figures and objects. His stomach began to ache, something worse than hunger pains but not as bad as the time he was beat up and stabbed in the alley. He began to slip in and out of consciousness before he ended up curled up on the floor. Thirty minutes later, the medicine had worked it’s way into his bloodstream and he had officially blacked out, only barely breathing.

It was at this moment that Louis manifested himself in the room, coming back to check on Harry. “Harry? Oh my god, babe.” He said and leaned down to him without thinking, checking the poor boy’s pulse. When he heard how slow it was, he knew there was no hope. He started tearing up at the site of the boy he was supposed to protect on the ground, practically dead. And the worst part was that nothing he could do would bring him back. “I was supposed to protect you, Harry. I was sent from heaven to protect you and make sure that you got to live your life to the fullest. You were supposed to live a long and happy life because I would keep you safe.” He bit his lip, knowing that this wasn’t how it was supposed to end. He had seen Harry’s future once before and he was supposed to grow up and live healthy after he got help with his addiction. 

As Harry’s heartbeat became less and less, Louis still stayed there beside him because he wanted to be the first one Harry saw before he moved to the other side. He rubbed circles on Harry’s hand softly and picked it up to kiss it gently. “You’re going to be okay, babe. I might have failed you in life but I won’t fail you here, okay?” More tears fell from his eyes as he reminisced on the past few months. “I shouldn’t have gotten so frustrated and left today. I should’ve been here for you, been here to stop you. But I wasn’t. And now you have no life to live...all because I couldn’t stay calm.” He closed his eyes for a few seconds, trying to stop the tears and the pain. Over the time he’s spent with Harry, he grew attached. Even though Harry irritated him to no end sometimes, Louis couldn’t help but fall in love with the eighteen year old who had lots of brown curls.

Louis’ eyes fluttered open when a hand touched his back. “It’s not your fault,” a deep, raspy voice told him. Louis immediately turned around to face the same boy he had tried to protect for six months. “I made the mess myself and you did the best you could,” he explained with his signature crooked smile plastered across his face. “I couldn’t live on Earth anymore, Louis. There was nothing you could do to stop me.” He took a deep breath. “It didn’t hurt much, you know. I felt like I was flying...and I thought of you and how I’d get to see you all the time now.”

Louis, although still upset about the whole ordeal, couldn’t help but smile slightly. His smile changed a few seconds later. “Do you know how much pain and pressure you’ve put me through these past couple months? Whenever you were doing so well, you’d relapse again and give me a heart attack every single time.” He took a deep breath and knew it wasn’t truly Harry’s fault, but he had nobody else to blame. “And I failed in my mission as a guardian angel for you. I couldn’t even keep you safe.” He frowned, watching Harry rock back and forth on his own two feet. He opened his mouth to speak again, but suddenly Harry’s rather large hand covered his mouth. 

“Can we just forget about all of that?” he asked and Louis knew exactly what he meant without even specifying. “I know why I kept relapsing. I know why I couldn’t stay on Earth any longer. I’ve figured it out long before today though I’m still surprised that you haven’t figured it out yet.” He bit his lip and cupped his angel’s cheek. “You. I’ve needed you in my life. More than just a figure for a few seconds every time I screw up. I kept relapsing so that I would see you.” He said, lip quivering slightly. “I needed you to keep sane. And you were only around when I did something bad. And finally I decided that I just couldn’t deal with it anymore. I needed you.” He looked over to Louis, who was indeed tearing up. He wiped away his tears with his thumb. “You. That’s what I needed. And do you want to know the reason I finally did it? Why I wasn’t scared of dying?”

Louis took a deep breath in and waited before finally letting it out and nodding. He didn’t truly know why Harry had decided to kill himself like this. He had been doing well for about a month and Louis thought that he was going to get better. He didn’t expect to come back today and he definitely didn’t expect to have to return and then leave all within minutes because of his frustration. Then on top of that, he didn’t even know Harry was going to do something like this. “W-why?” the short man with tiny white wings asked. “Why did you do it?”

Harry got lost in Louis’ bright blue eyes for a few seconds before cupping his cheek and leaning towards him. He let their lips touch gently for a few seconds. “So I could do that.” He blushed, something Louis had never seen the broken boy do in years. Afterlife Harry was completely different than reality Harry. “A while ago, I sat down and asked myself why I couldn’t get better. Because I really did want to recover. I wanted to make you proud, but whenever I was doing well, you wouldn’t show up. So I had to do something to make you come back. I needed you, Louis. I still do.” He bit his lip and let Louis take everything in for a while. “And the whole time, throughout all the pain, I thought about you and how we could spend forever together now.” 

Louis immediately began tearing up again. “You killed yourself so that you could be with me?” After Harry nodded slowly, Louis continued. “I could have tried to show up more, you know. You just would’ve had to say the word and I’d be right next to you whether you truly needed to or not. I should’ve told you that, should’ve let you know...because then maybe you’d still be breathing and living on Earth.” He frowned. This was all his fault; Harry did it because of him. He rubbed his forehead slowing, trying to calm himself and register all of these insane thoughts.

“Calm down, Louis. Please.” Harry begged. After Louis was still rambling on about everything for a few more seconds, Harry shut him up by kissing him again. Louis was the first one to break the kiss and Harry began talking before Louis could even protest. “It’s not your fault. And even if it was, we can’t go back. Think about it. Now that I’m here, with you, I’ll finally be happy. Isn’t that enough? I’ve searched my whole life for happiness and I’ve finally found it. Please just let me be happy,” he said, wiping the tears from the angel’s face again.

And Louis couldn’t do anything but nod and lean in for another kiss. He knew it was wrong, he knew that this was all his fault, but he couldn’t help it. He was in love with the curly haired lad and couldn’t deny him of the happiness he had wished for since he first started to drink and get high. At least now he could be happy with Louis, even if they weren’t on Earth together.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm @loutopian on twitter :)


End file.
